It's my life

There comes a point in every ones lives you realize you need to stop living your life the way others want you to. You need to stand up and take charge of your own future and quit giving a fuck about how others will see you. Cause trust me, they aren't perfect either. they just need something to talk about to make their lives seem so much better then it really is. This is me saying, " its my life!" i will be living it with all the mistakes i make because those "mistakes" to you are my reality they keep me wanting more out of life they keep my blood pumping. I'm not the little girl i use to be in high school. Ive grown up little by little and Ive learned that i cant trust anyone but myself.

The journey

Ive always had the mentality that the journey is the destination. that you're never going to get somewhere without going through the thick of things. You may think that things in life are pretty fucked up, but there's someone out there that's going through something 10x worse and they're doing it with a smile on. Which I get, you cant always be mad about things your going through, what I don't get are the people that act all happy and then behind close doors their true personality comes out. Why try faking who you really are? Be who you are and don't be ashamed about it.
Anyways, some times when i get the a second to reflect on my life i wonder how it go to be so fucked up. I wonder where i would be if i choice a different path, what i would be going through instead, where id be at, who I'd be friends with, or even if I would have kept my friends from before. but the thing is as fucked up as my life is I wouldn't change it. Yeah, they're things about me that I never would wish on anyone, including the most hated person, but those things made me who I am. and yeah I have my days where i cant seem to find my way out of the darkness, but i also have those days where i know exactly why I'm on this journey.

I hope in life you find your journey, and may you live everyday as your last
no matter how bad it is remember to smile.

*afloat

I constantly find myself fighting to keep afloat
wave after wave of disappointment wash over me.
I know retreating to shore is no option
facing forward
I brace myself for the next wave to smack
leaving me breathlessly gasping for air.

Step one.

To start, this is about me and my dreams. Unlike many I have passion that doesnt exist in a classroom, or being told what i need to know for the next test. I'm a self teacher and if I want to know about a subject I become very passionate about it. I recently decided to take a break from college and find out who I really am. Granted I dont get much time for that between working and my busy schedule, but slowly I'm figuring out who I am NOT, and that is much easier then who I am. So far I've found out that I am a very hard headed person, i like my privacy, and i hate being told what to do (out side of work). I'm passionate, in that love exists but for me i cant seem to find someone that will treat me right. As much as I want to say I'm happy, I'm not, but there are people that have it worse then I. I understand things happen for a reason and I've been told to just look to God for the answer, but sometimes i really wonder why? I'm only 22 and I've been through things I wish on no one. I wish I could go back and tell myself what would happen, but we all know thats not possible so the only option is to face the unknown head on, that I plan to do.